"Hey Guys... mom says I'm a lot of work, but totally worth it."

Balance

Now that I'm a mom, I rarely get to leave the house without bringing a lot of "stuff." On my right arm I load up the Vera Bradley diaper bag and my matching purse (only this momma would need to have the patterns match!)and on my left arm I am found lugging the baby car seat (which weighs 7.24 lbs without Bubba in it) containing a 14 lb baby. This is cautiously and artfully done while donning the all of the snow gear that I need, and needless to say, the short trip to the car is quite the ordeal. Not to mention that the ice outside our door is unbelievable! I often feel like there are hidden cameras watching me leave the house, to see me making the mad dash to the car that actually amounts to me creeping slowly across the ice so as not to fall on my rear end (again!) and drop the baby (the time I fell Joshua was safely secured in his seat and still in the car, but that's another story for another time and it involves a mall cop).

The months leading up to the baby's birth I would often tell myself "savor this now, in a few months you won't be able to run into the mall without getting a carriage out, making sure it's not feeding time, yada yada yada" and I knew that I needed to appreciate the fact that in doing errands it was sweet that the only person I had to worry about was me.

Side Note: It's good that's all I was worried about, because being preggers I had to go to the restroom so much just worrying about walking around and where the closest bathroom was at all times took up a lot of brain space!

Today was like many days, it's still winter and I decided that I needed to get out so a trip to the mall was the remedy that was warranted. Except, today was different than usual. I actually had quite a few things that I needed to purchase. That said, you other mommies will understand how imperative a plan of attack would be. I needed to PARK outside Target because that's where I would buy the most things, but needed things throughout the mall so I started at the other end then worked my way down. At the end of our trip I was quite a sight. There I was with the car seat in the snap and go, the diaper bag, my purse and bags from multiple stores. Even with bags hanging off the stroller I don't think I had more than one finger free, and I had to use that finger to disengage the car alarm! Thank God they didn't have the diapers I needed, I probably would have made a fool of myself trying to bring those back too!

So, needless to say, when I get to leave the house without a baby and all the supplies that a baby requires it's a treat.

However, through it all, I wouldn't trade this for the world. My little guy was so good being my shopping buddy and was awake almost the whole time but loved being in the carriage. Sometimes I go out at night or on the weekend and my hubby gives me a break and I'm without Bubba. I love those times, but every time I go out without him the backseat feels empty. Before three months ago the backseat was merely used for extra space, but now it's where someone belongs. When I'm without him I often instinctively glance over my right shoulder to check on him or look up into the rear view mirror to catch a peek and he's not there... and I'm sad. Sometimes I even swear that the balance of the car is significantly different (but honestly it probably has something to do with not having had a diaper bag on my right shoulder when I got ready to go).

Life will never be the same as it was before the baby, and with a baby EVERY day is different. What a blessing. What a balancing act. (Circus music trailing off in the background...)